Drunken Hopeless Romantics Often Cause Awkward Situations
by Always Cry Over Spilled Milk
Summary: Getting a certain Romeo Montague drunk can often lead to him asking his friends awkward questions such as, "In all your romantic endeavors, have you ever bedded a man?" Within one of these times, a previously well-kept secret is revealed. /\ Tycutio.
Romeo set down his glass dramatically, an idea suddenly forming in his drunken mind. "Mercutio!"

The man in question looked up at him, only slightly soberer than his friend. "Huh?"

"I've got a question for you, 'Cutio," Romeo said, sending a sly look to Benvolio, who sat beside him and clearly was too dazed to understand what Romeo meant by such a look. Romeo turned his gaze back to Mercutio across the table from him. "In all your… romantic endeavors…" Leave it to Romeo to still use fancy terms for things relating to _love_ and _intimacy_ when blind-drunk. "Have you ever bedded a man?" He hadn't even finished the question entirely before he started laughing.

Mercutio almost spit out the mead that filled his mouth. He swallowed. "Um… What kind of question is that, Romeo?"

Romeo's laughing died down a little as he replied, "It is a rather simple question, my friend. Just wondering! Do not worry, Mercutio, I am not accusing you of anything. I'd just like to know if you've ever been with a male!" He burst out into giggles again, Benvolio with him, when Mercutio spluttered.

"I- no, of course not!" Mercutio may have been drunk, but he could still recognize when to withhold certain truths. However, when he happened to look past Romeo and Benvolio and locked eyes with a certain Capulet, he felt his cheeks burn up.

"My God, are you blushing, Mercutio? He's blushing!" Benvolio exclaimed.

"Shush up, will you?" Mercutio said, though he knew he was very clearly flustered.

"Have you, then?" Romeo pestered.

"Um… I…"

"You have!"

"N-no!"

"Who was it? Anybody we know?"

"Um, no! You don't know them!"

"A-ha!" Romeo yelled victoriously, pointing a finger at Mercutio.

"So you admit it then," Benvolio added. "You have, in fact, been with a man before."

"Tell me about it," Romeo said. "Was it weird? Awkward? Nice? Romantic? Please, just tell me something!" Nothing got Romeo going like talking about love, whether or not it was his own romance that was being discussed.

"Yes, it was… nice," Mercutio said, swooning at just the memories, something he certainly would never have done in this situation had he been sober.

Romeo gasped at the thought of his lady-killer best friend enjoying a sexual encounter with another man. "When was it? Was it only once?"

"Um…" Mercutio scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Part of him wanted to gush about all the times he'd shared with his partner, but another part of him didn't want to share any details whatsoever. However, he was exceptionally under the influence, so in the end he said, "Many times."

"All with the same man?!"

Mercutio glanced over at the same man in the background from before and smiled. "Yes."

"How surprisingly… faithful of you, Merc," Benvolio said, honest astonishment shining through his glazed eyes.

"Yeah, yeah…"

"So it's really not anyone we know?" Romeo asked again.

"I mean…" Mercutio trailed off, eyes once again meeting those of the Capulet across the tavern. The man nodded his head in the direction of the door and gave Mercutio a _look_. "Um, guys, I gotta… go…" he said, fumbling out of his wooden chair.

"But you have yet to tell us the name of your man-friend!"

"Sorry, bye!" Mercutio ran to the door, meeting said man-friend just before reaching the exit. "Hello, kitten," he greeted the man.

"I told you never to call me that," the Prince of Cats responded, irritated, before adding on in a low whisper, "in public."

Mercutio smirked. "Whatever you say."

"Be quiet."

"You know better than anyone that I have a tendency to be _loud_ , my dear Tybalt," Mercutio said with a wink.

"Your pesky Montague friends are watching us," Tybalt said, completely ignoring Mercutio's innuendo. "Did you say anything? You know they can't know."

"Tybby, whether I had said anything about you and I or not, anyone could tell by the way you're looking at me."

"This is just my face."

"Huh. It's a wonder not everyone thinks you want to bed them, then, because you've got your bedroom eyes on. But I think they just go to that mode automatically anytime you look at me," Mercutio replied, getting closer to Tybalt.

Tybalt remained basically stone-faced, even as Mercutio daringly grabbed his hands and moved them to his ass. "Do you want everyone to know?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I'm drunk."

Tybalt glanced over at Romeo and Benvolio, both of which still had their eyes glued to Mercutio and himself. He flicked his eyes back to the boy beside him, squeezing his ass once. "Let's get the hell out of here."

"So eager…" Mercutio waited for Tybalt to step out the tavern's door before he yelled back to his friends, "There's your answer!"

Romeo gagged, while Benvolio looked a little shocked but still like he kind of saw this coming.

When Mercutio left, the two Montagues looked back to each other.

"Well then," Benvolio said awkwardly.

"Um. Yeah. Wasn't expecting that."

"Wonder how that came about."

"I bet they have a lot of rough sex."

"Romeo!" Benvolio gasped, not wishing to have such vulgar images cross through his head.

"What?" Romeo asked, raising his hands in innocence. "I mean, Tybalt. Come on."

Benvolio shrugged. "Touché."

 **FIN.**


End file.
